Farewell 2007...

The Year of Pig is coming to an end soon. And it is time to recollect the days, thinking back the experiences, and finally detaching from it, and look forward to the new year.

Beginning of the Year- January to Feburary
For ten years prior to 2007, I've always started the year with the First Day of School. But this year was something different. I still remember how awkward it felt then. Because I was working at that time. Thinking of the first quarter of 2007, arises the smell of Changi Airport. I've worked there for 10months and spent most of my time working before I start schooling. I love my job, because of its nature: Food. I'm a juicer. Well, just like those working in Starbucks, just that instead of coffee, I'm working on fruits. That's where I regain all the weight I lose during the last six months of 2006! What a waste! But then I got back to my regime a few months later, which I'll share soon.

I watched a whole lot of movies during those days! At least two or three films a week! I was working the midnight shift most of the time, and slept for a few hours after reached home at around nine in the morning, and meet up with my various group of friends for a show in the late afternoon. We went to orchard most of the time, particularly Orchard Cineleisure. I'm just so attracted to that place!

I joined Red Cross's Volunteer Instructors' Programme, VIP for short. I felt that I should make my vision for my school unit comes true, and by doing that I decided to be a VI. It occupied alot of time too, for a camp and various trainings and meetings. Well it did paid off when I pass the programme eventually, and being a Broadrick Red Cross Unit VI now.

So my life was work, movies and Red Cross, until O level results came...

The big 'O' Results- February
O for 'O' Levels and nothing else please. Well I was happy with my results and didn't expect to do that well, 12 points for L1R4! Gave myself a big treat at Botak Jones on that faithful Day with friends. And then came choosing the next path to take...

Choice of tertiary education- February to March
Well, my parents strongly discouraged me to opt for JC. Well, I was considering that route, but with 16 points in hand, I have very limited choices of JC to go to. So I narrowed down to Polytechnic. Since TP is the nearest for me, I narrowed it down further. Design School is clearing not my type and Engineering School seems too technical for me. So I left with Business and Applied Science to choose from. But wait, I like a course very much which is in engineering school though the diploma is of business nature: Diploma of Aviation Management and Services. I liked it so much that I thought about it everyday for a week or two. Then words from others started to influence me to hold back from the course. I was warned that getting a good job was hard with that diploma. That meant alot to me because one of my main criteria for choosing is the job prospect; and bingo! That brings us to why I chose my current course.

It started all with one fine day during the open house, and I happened to bump to a lecturer, a chemical engineer course lecturer. Indeed, his persuasive skills were terrific! So much so that I was very tempted to join this course. He 'promise' that I'll have a bright future that will deliver large salary with this diploma. I discussed it with my family and friends, and it turns out that they strongly encourages me to join it, and it turned out to be a huge family and peer pressure. On top of that, I thought that I can receive help from my mentor for this course, and hopefully will make my studies in this course easier for me. Moreover, since I got distinction for science for 'O' Levels, I thought why couldn't I do as well for it at diploma level? So, with the desire for a lavishing career, choosing a course which would please my family and friends, expecting it to be not as hard aferall, and thought that it was my cup of tea, I chose Chemical Engineering as my first choice.

But wait a minute, did you see interest as one of the reason for my choice? Isn't interest a big factor for doing something? For myself, I believe that I can only excel if I'm doing something of my own interest, and enjoying doing what I'm doing. I would most likely give up if I do things for a reason. And without considering these factors while choosing the course, I made a terrible mistake by chosing Chemical Engineering. I ignored my own interests for the sake of, wanting to have a good career which I can earn alot from; pleasing my friends and family by choosing this course which they want me to go; because I can get external help and get to slack more; that it wouldn't be as difficult as I thought and while thinking that I'll start to like it over time.

On the last day of Orientation, I felt the smallest ache of regret while receiving my time-table and looking at the subjects I'm going to take. And on the first day of school, on the first lesson which was Engineering Mathematics, I regretted joining this course. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Worse, I got complacent because of my 'O' Levels result and underestimated the difficulties of the subjects, coupled with lack of interest to study, and I gotten bad results at the end of the day.

Doing something for a reason lacks the motivation, determination, eagerness from within oneself. These will then comes from the outside and can only work when one feels the rewards by doing what he had done. For instance, money can only be a good motivator if I receives money while studying, and not wishing I can earn alot of money after I graduate because it hasn't happen! Isn't it foolish to keep thinking of the future and not bothering about the present? And how about the reason which is pleasing family and friends. Alright they're please, and the end. They get back to their lives and I'm stuck with mine! So what if I got more help when I don't have the willingness to study? And end up being complacent just because I can get extra help from my mentor?

I made it a point to treat it as a lesson. Never to ignore personal interest; do what I like to do, and don't do it because of whatever. Secondly, don't let others influence me easily because it is my life, and no one is responsible for me other than myself.

This mistake affects the rest of the year...

Semester 1- April to July
Because at tertiary level where the standard is definitely higher than 'O' Levels, it requires genuine studying and not merely 'surface' studying, to do vey well. And so, realising that I have indeed no interest at all and my dislike for mathematics was at its max, I just couldn't study. I naturally diverted more time to red cross, something which is of my interest. It's like, you're with a wife whom you're bored of and suddenly a sexy lady wants to date you. Naturally you'd spend more time with the latter right? So for most of Semester 1, I was escaping reality. I was escaping from the boring wife by finding the sexy lady to be with. But that doesn't change reality that I'll be with the boring wife for good. And eventually the marriage will end up to no good. And that is analogous to my bad results.

During Term 2, I even went back to work frequently on mid-night shift and went to school right after work in the morning! I attend school just for the sake of going and felt very unhappy. Unhappy with my situation and find fault with myself for sabotaging myself. During this four to five months I was in a state of depression. I wasn't living fully at all.

2-month Vacation- August to October
During the vacation, I decided to leave this course. So I was looking around for a course to change to, and looked for my current course manager and told him my decision. This two month of holiday was the comeback of my regime. I hit back to the gym and ran around Bedok Reservoir. I was so fired up that I ran from my house all the way to Bedok Reservoir and ran around it. My longest run was from my house to Bedok Reservoir, which is around twice the distance of Bedok Reservoir, and ran two rounds of the reservoir! Making it four rounds in total! I was so happy that time. And after that run on that night, I was told that running was not good and advised not to run so often. My drive went all the way down and felt like giving up, but fortunately I didn't.

During that time, I started became a vegetarian and fruitarian. And seriously, I didn't eat any meat at all! From around August all the way till end of October! And during this period of time, my mood got better through the healthy habits. And not to forget, I shaved my head to remind myself not to be the same guy as the person who still had the hair! I reassure myself to change. And my hair wasn't waste shaving afterall.

I was working too during the holidays until I was retrenched by my company, when it closes down two out of three outlets in Singapore. And until now, I'm jobless. And I doesn't like the process of finding a job very much. I guess everyone doesn't like it too.

Semester Two, Term 1- October to December
I started it out reluctantly. And for the 2nd and 3rd week, I missed alot of lessons, tutorials and even lab. I was eager to leave the course, and even when to seek for jobs. Because I thought that since I'm going to leave anyway, why study and might as well earn some money first.

However, one day, on CCN Day, I began to think likewise. Then, I completed reading Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven, both writen by Mitch Albom, and felt that what I'm doing should be stopped. Moreover, my aunt who loved me alot was very upset that I was going to quit. Then suddenly a new friend inspired me, caused me to question my conscience and to rethink of my actions, and show me what hardworking, determination, preseverance and maturity is about.

Because of all these, I began to change little by little. I decided that I want to make my mark before I leave this course. I want to try my best and leave with satisfaction.

Honestly, 2007 wasn't a great year. Well, it could have been better. It could too, be worse, if there wasn't my friends and family, my mentor and life coach, my new friends found to accompany me through the year. Thank you.

Bye bye, 2007!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Try pronoucing the song title!
Welcome to the world of Mary Poppins!

Music Camp 2007

My group with a renown songwriter.
My group with one of the desciple of Venerable Ming Yi.

That's my group! Group 5!

My groupmates! Both are talented musicians!

Another of my groupmate, and I called her Phyllis Quek! Doesn't she resembles her alot!

The above are memories from the music camp I took part in a two weeks ago at Foo' Hai Monastery. Basically, the camp teaches how to compose songs. The organisers invited various well-known professionals from Asia's music industry. I've forgotten their name though, because some were known to me for the first time, despite being the 'behind the scene' personnels for many famous singers. It's a chinese-medium camp and I get to know more about mandarin pop!

The above were my group members and they're awesome! Some of them are talented musicians too!

Warlords

A lovely evening it was yesturday with a friend, to indulge on a movie that was deemed 'not nice one...' Well, I was still looking foward to watch it because the trailer that was shown countless times on TV Mobile had captivated me to this epic movie.

Like what I told my friend, "For those who does not have a take-home message after the show, this movie sucks for them, but for those who does learn something, the film is a beautiful story."

Fortunately, this show doesn't sucks for me. The take-home message was what my mentor had always thought me, 'There's no right and wrong; no morals and laws in this world. There's only Cosmoethics. The movie had clearly illustrated it through the lives of three sworn brothers.

For those who watched it, at the end of the day they'll find it very hard to identify who is the bad guy, good guy; the heroes or the villains. And even if they do identify it, it may be just for the sake of identifying. Well, it's so hard because, there's no such things as good guy or bad guy. How can you identify if there's no such things that exist to start with?

To understand this further, Cosmoethics must come into the picture. Well, Hilarion commented on my high Cosmoethic standards! Basically, Cosmoethics means acting towards benefiting the most one can gets. And the benefits here does not refers to your own but for as many people as possible. Many aspects of life can be learnt while evolving towards the high levels of Cosmoethics: Sacrifice, Courage, Faith, Love and so on... It works hand in hand with Karma; it is a spiritual need, a key towards Evolution.

You may need to know the storyline first before proceeding.

http://www.yowazzup.com/2007_12_13/the-warlords-movie-review.html

Pang, the Big Brother, ordered the massarce of 4000 surrendered soldiers. Shooting them endlessly, until all screamed helplessly to their deaths, and chained up the Second Brother who opposes his decision because he promised to free the soldiers. This portrays Pang as an evil guy who killed senselessly, immoral and inhuman. But is he wrong? Is he wrong if the sacrifice of 4000 people will save millions of others?

Pang decides to kill Second Brother. This act, by its very nature is unlawful and immoral. But what if it results to better lives for millions other? Will it still sound as bad as it is?

To decide on what is the most beneficial of all, is what Cosmoethics is about.

When Second Brother wanted to risk his life by entering beyond enemy's gate alone to end the seige, wasn't he foolish?

When Third Brother killed the dame hoping it would prevent the death of Second Brother, wasn't he foolish too?

This explains why right and wrong does not exist. Because of the fact that what happened, should happens. Reality is the truth and cannot be argued over. Big Brother took away many innocent lives, he should killed them. Second Brother risked his life, he should risked his life. Third Brother kills the dame, he should damn kills the dame! All of them killed one another in the end, they should kill off one another.

Let's put it this way, everyone did what he thinks is the right thing to do. He thinks he is right; she thinks she is right; even if both disagreed and fought till their deaths, they are not wrong! It is only 'right' that one should do what he/she thinks is the right thing to do.

Everyone is right because at their own personal level of Cosmoethics, he/she is doing what he/she thinks is the best thing to do. And because we are ourselves, we arn't him or her, we can never judge something that is not us. When you think he had done wrong, is it really true? Can you absolutely be sure about that? Then what you really mean is, if I am him and did what he did, I judge myself wrong. When you're wrong, it doesn't means he is wrong too. Don't you think it sound selfish if you look at it that way?

A world where everyone is neither right and wrong, is truly beautiful. We just do what we should do, no restrains, no judgments, no fear.

Tribute to Mrs Benazir Bhutto

Mrs Benazir Bhutto

21 June 1953- 27 December 2007

Chairman of Pakistan People's Party

Ex-Prime Minister of Pakistan 1988-1990 and 1993-1996

"A democrat cannot worry about the consequence of a bombing if she has to fight terror.

If I am to die, I will die." Mrs Benazir Bhutto

This is no obituary, this is a sign of respect to one of the couragest women in the world. She was not any typical politician. Rather, she was a politician that gave her life for the country she loved and cared so much for, amidst all turmoil and atrocity.

She is a martyr of Hope, Goodwill and Love.

A Quiet Christmas

Silent night, Holy night...
All is calm, All is bright...

This year's eve was different than any others that I remembered. The spirit was somewhat different. Couldn't experience the ideal christmas eve.


Silent Eve
Still, the joy of giving still remains; loving one another.
while the cool breeze and the full moon above lifts our spirit higher, and higher.
And I wishing you, from the bottom of my heart,
merry christmas...

Life Process

The very first step is to be willing to be aware.

Next is to be willing to change or learn from it.

If you fail, you need extra willingness to try again.

If you succeed, you need to be willing to continue it.

If you master it, you need to be willing to pass on to others.

This is life's formula for whatever you we do. And guess what is common in every step? Yes, Willingness.

Right now, I find myself stuck at the 2nd-3rd step. In terms of various matters like, studies, relationships, personality, and even the issue on perfectionism.

And because of being trapped, constraint or stuck, it forms an inner struggle, and that is the seed of suffering, that vessels out pain to every cell of the body;
it generates the 'heat of sorrow' in your heart that gushes all the way up to your nose and then your eyes,
and out of nowhere you find the first drop of tears flowing out and heat gathering on the tip of the nose, and feeling the dryness in your mouth.
And after a while, you feels the stickiness on the skin and gave a sigh, feeling better, but the seed is still there...

Chipmunk Christmas Song (Hula Hoop)

Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Want a plane that loops the loop
I still want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Alvin And The Chipmunks - Hula Hoop - Christmas Song

No Pork at all

M1 Advertisement

One of the funniest ads!

Rhythm of the Rain

Rhythm of the falling rain

Rhythm Of The Rain

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know
That when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

Rain please tell me now does that seem fair
For her to steal my heart away when she don't care
I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know that when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

Rain won't you tell her that I love her so
Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow
Rain in her heart and let the love we knew start to grow

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Oh, oh, oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater...

Hokkien Song - JIPABAN!

Chill Out

That was yesturday after watching my friend's drama performance in Orchard. And we 'chilled'(Grrgh...so cold! lolz!) out along the river beside the Esplanade after a meal at Makansutra. And because of that, I swear that I'll never going to eat fried prawn mee, char kway teow and oyster omelette for at least the next 6 months! If I'm not wrong, I've ate them yesturday for the first time since around 8 months ago. I guess I'm 'allergic' to it already and it may goes the same for the rest of the local delights. My body just can't accept them into the system. The above hunks and babes are my new found friends. Knew them through my good friend, Roy(the innocent-looking hunk beside me). And hanging out at the location is very shiok! So nice that we remained there for around 2.5 hours before we left at around 1.30am. Anyway, these friends are great!

Perfect Imperfect

This is one of the article featured in last sunday's paper, lifestyle section, with the heading: Perfect imperfect.



I find this psychological issue interesting and feels that it concerns me, for I sense the imperfectionist in me which is active playing his role with my ego.



The report says that perfectionists can be divided into three types:



1. Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression.



2. Outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships.



3. Those desperate to live up to an ideal they're convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.



Which type are you? Or rather which type you sense to be stronger in you? For me, I've all three types in me, and the strongest in me is the 1st, then 3rd and least strongly is 2nd.



So what if you've high expectations? Is it wrong? Professor Gordon Flett from York University said, "It's when it generalises to other areas of life like home-life, appearance and hobbies, that you begin to see real problems."



One characteristics of a perfectionist is they've a certain logic which is so called 'All or nothing'. Which is for instance given a task, he'll either do it until he's satisfied which is from a high standard results OR if he can't do it till the got that results, he'll give up(if he'd started the task) or reject the idea at all(if he haven't start the task). A perfectionist finds it hard to accept 'reasonable' or 'well-to-do' results. If they don't get A1, they'll never go back to study ever again.



The link below is a perfectionism test. Feel free to check it out. My score is 82%. Very very high degree of perfectionism.

http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/perfectionism_abridged_access.html



I shall speak about myself, a perfect example of a perfectionist.



One of my habit related to this issue is, when I watch dvd, I must have the subtitle on and keep rewinding it after every 10-30 seconds of the scene, especially on subtle parts such as small converations or during the transitions where to scene just change to another one. There'll be a voice in me that keep prompting questions and is very hard to be satisfied until I've watched every scene, every second perfectly, vividly. I took double the lengthtime of the movie to watch finish it. Sometimes I couldn't stand myself and shout it out loud 'Stop it!' It works a little but not fully.



The above example is an illustration of a behaviour known as 'Complusive-obsessive behaviour'. Whereby one will keep doing the same thing repeatedly until he feels satisfied and ready to move on. This behaviour, when it's at the extreme, can be very irritating, unproductive and can make one impulsive. If it causes one to exhibit embarassing habits, it'll draws the confidence level all the way down.



It's break time and time for lunch. My classmates are looking at each other, while i'm telling them let's go eat(since they all will want to eat), and by the time I ask finish everyone, 'Where are we going to eat now?' and when I suggested a place to eat, and I still don't get a clear response from anyone or everybody's just still not walking towards any canteen, or when I receive answers that doesn't answer anything such as 'Dunno...' or 'See how lor...' I get very irritated, angry and impulsive. I'll just disappear from the rest and walk away and find other friends for lunch or eat by myself. I'm aware of this issue in me, that of impatience, impulsiveness, and of course, perfectionism. I've tried to improve on it by walking around first instead of asking them, and then when they themselves had finalise on a decision then I joined them.



This example is one of rigidity. Ways in which one seeks for orderliness, just like perfection. It makes me quite anti-social and outcast. This works interchangeably with another issue of acceptance; accepting oneself and others. This is something like type 2. Whereby one expect perfection from others too. And why my relationships are not always successful.



During the first term in chemical engineering, I struggled with mathematics. So I feel very down, and the perfectionist in me begins to work and says, ' since its very difficult for me to do well in this course, might as well call it quits.' And after that, I just lose all interest in studies and subsequently the thought of leaving the course came, and at same time thought that if I change to a course I like, I'll do well in it. During those days, I was depressed and have very low self-esteem because I'm not doing something that I can do well enough so that I can be satisfied with myself.



And that's what 'All-or-nothing' is all about. It leads to pessimism, when one meets with a big problem and judge that in the future it'll still not be solved if it can't be solved now. It leads to immobilization, due to the extreme fear of failure, which cause one to resist the idea of putting in effort in improve the situation. It leads to depression, because of the constant need of 'perfection' yet knowing that I can't do that well to reach for it. It leads to low self-esteem because I always feel like a loser since I can't meet my expectation.


Last time when I bodybuild, I sabotaged myself with this 'All-or-nothing' effect. I gave myself a period of time to attain a certain goals. And when I didn't reach it at the end of the period, I gave up completely and get by to my own eating habits. And the idea of change has becomes an idea of failure. Therefore it cause me to lack motivation to start any plans to change in the future. If I don't see immediate results, I'll get very demoralised and disappointed and I'll stop all the workouts totally and get into the blues all over again.

What is it like, having all three types altogether? Relationships is a good example to begin with. I have an expectation for my friends which is I expect them to agree with me most of the time. But always because of some other reasons, they react diferently from what I expected, and when it is against or not aligned with my expectations, I'll get very upset and got the 'all-or-nothing' mindset taking over. I'll always find out why and direct all possibilites towards me, when most of the case, the main reason is because of the other party themselves.(Because people do things not because of someone but for themselves.)

Changing the scope to let's say, going after the girl I like. It is a combo of type one and two. Before I decide to chase, I'll judge myself upon a set of agreements or criteria. It's like a checklist before you go to camp, for instance. I have only 4 shirt to spare but the camp is five days long and the checklist put 5 shirts. Just because I do not have 5 shirts to fit into the list and fear that on the last day I'll stink and turn off others, so I decided not to attend the camp. It happens that weight is on the check list. So similarly, just because I do not have the ideal physique and fear that I'll be a turn-off, due to the extreme fear of rejection, decided not to go for it. The greatest fear of a perfectionist is failure/rejection. And because of that we hold ourselves back when we want to go ahead. And that causes the tension of opposites, just like how Mr. Morrie had put it. Regarding type 2, 'desperate to live up to an ideal they're convinced others expect of them'. It's really self-inflicted suffering because no one created the judgement list for us but ourselves. This is a point which proves that it is always ourselves who creates the our own suffering and not the outside.

Law of Reflection is really very true, looking at my own experience to learn from. It I can't even accept myself, how can I expect others to accept me? And how can I accept others. From here, you can see that Perfectionism is a 'Traitor advisor of the Emperor'. It led the man think astray such that he'll drift further away from success and happiness, without him knowing that the problems lies within his palace.

I feel that my thought gets straighten up when I share out my problems and issues. Whoever you are, thank you for reading.

Foward Love

What happens when you like someone who like someone who like someone who like someone and so on?

Will you go foward or find someone else?

But wait, does it make a difference? Does the pattern stops?

Then, isn't both the same?


Gosh, I'm emo-emo again...haha!

Term Tests' Over

Finally tests are all over!

Yesturday was Applied Mathematics. And the lecturer typically gave us so much hints as if telling us the whole paper. And I respect this lecturer alot, he's my form teacher, though I just don't show it especially during his lectures, if I do attend. ;p

Just now was the test I looked forward to the most- Organic Chemistry. It's quite fascinating to notice that many of my peers hated and afraid of this subject the most. Since the start test week, I've heard many whining that they're so gonna fail OC, and I follow suit and whine with them too. But deep inside, there's this interest in this particular subject more than any others in my course. You can say its by 'default' because it is the subject with very very little mathematics! In fact it's the only subject (except comm skills subject) that I don't have to bring calculator. And I rather write mechanisms than draw out block diagrams for Thermodynamics.

What's unique for my situation this term is that I've never studied so hard since O levels! Perhaps the post-O Level blues had come to an end, if not for sacrificing last semester to it! Last semester, I was completely complacent and underestimated the subjects. I didn't take lectures and tutorials seriously and my results proved it.

Then came the 1 and 1/2 months holiday. During then I was so looking forward to transfer course. Then I became lost and confused when this semester starts. I thought that since I'm quitting, what for I continue to study, attend lectures, labs and tutorials? So I missed 2 weeks of school. During then, I went on to seek for a job. But in the end, I felt bad. I felt that I'm not being responsible and I can't go on that way. This was brought further by my aunt's tears for her worry for me had became overwhelmed. She thought I've changed from a good boy to a rowdy school-leaver. She thought that I needed some help so she brought me to see a counsellor. During then I had just completed reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and was beginning to read 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. I was also deeply reading 'The Four Agreements'.

All these inspiration ends my confusion and I'd made a decision- Whether I'm going to leave my course or not, it's next year business. But before I leave, I'm going to make my mark and leave with satisfaction; putting on an excellent performance before leaving the stage with pride and
'feel-good'ness, which will make one feel more confident to perform on the next stage. With that, I regreted for missing so many lectures and tutorials that it's quite hard to catch up.

And my class- I've a love-hate feeling for it. It's really like a cycle. I isolated myself from the class because I felt left out, and my classmates thought I'm not interested in them because I don't always mix around with them. My class is splitted in 3 groups. One of it is isolated, and the other two is always interchangeable. I don't see myself in any of the groups, or suitable for any of them. The least enjoyable moments in school is during lab sessions. In fact, I really love labwork, that's why I don't mind joining this course. But I find myself partnered with a character totally opposite of mine!

Side-track abit. I feel that there's a lesson for me to learn here. I'm fated to have this partner because it isn't by randomness but by register number. So one can say we're synchronised to interact this time. This guy is really 'intolerable'! But first I've to admit that I dislike him since the beginning but I've never ill-treated or talk bad about him. I treat him with respect and with equality. Unfortunately, he crossed the line and pushed my patience too much. I decided to say to his face- 'You've a bad attitude!' Just imagine how it feels to be looked down, and by the way, his results isn't fantastic at all! He's still one of the last in class! Sometimes I wonder whether to be angry or amused by him. But the things is, if I were him, I will not look down upon others and treat everyone with respect. The lesson here is, what is the best strategy to deal with someone who isn't favourable to one's character and personality, and offensive? It is- not to change others but yourself; reflect on his actions and learn from it; and to stand up for yourself in times when you're treated unfairly. Anyway, I didn't type this with a purpose to defame him. I still respect him as my classmate and possibly still remain as friends. I typed this just for the amusement of the irony in it.

So back to my class- tutorials are creepy to me. Sometimes I find myself to be lonlier than ever before. Well, I can't blame anyone other than myself for not being part of any of the groups. And well, the bottom line is there's no sense of belonging in me for my class, though I still feel bonded to it, at the minimum. It's still the Class of Good Souls.

During lectures, I'll always feel tempted to find peers from other classes to sit with. Oh well, some things can only be accepted, not change. And that's referring to what one of my classmate that I'm relatively close with said, 'Sometimes you just don't click with some people, but there's instances where you can just become as close as siblings within a few moments.' I've always hated this idea, ever since I've experienced in since secondary school. What if it refers to people whom you're interested in, won't it be hard to accept this idea? Just by blaming it to fate and that there's nothing you can do about it?

There's another important push factor that strives me to work hard this time round. Somehow, someway, I found myself befriending a girl in my course. This girl has kind of 'push the button' or 'awakening the vision', I just doesn't know how to put it in exact word. Basically, I'm inspired by her, just like how Morrie Swartz had inspired me in the book. She has beaten all odds by only her determination, perservarance, hard-work and self-disciplined. I reflected on her upon myself and felt very embarassed. She had shown me a way that's possible and worth heading for. She had gained all the admiration she can get from me. It's quite meaningful of the timing. For if I were to befriend her last semester, when I was in a different conditions and mindset, the feeling and effect she gives me wouldn't be the same as now.

Thermodynamics

A-Dear-Bear-Dick

Guess what is the correct spelling for this scientific term.

Its...Adiabatic! I'm just teasing about how my lecturer says it, and I just can't get enough of that!

E-Re-Vase-See-Ba :Irreversible.

Lick-cold :Liquid

Eggs-Where :X-Square.

Isn't my lecturer unique! He's a foreigner that's why.

That's one thing, and test is just another.

Wait, here's his favourite line, 'Without 2nd Law, the world won't be what it is today.'

He's refering to the 2nd Law of thermodynamics- Heat flows spontaneously from a hot object to a cold object. He's just saying that if scientists had not discovered the 2nd Law, Man would not have evolved into today's high technology society.

Pearly Shells

Pearly Shells

Pearly Shells... By the ocean.

Shining in the sun... Covering the shores.

When I see you...

My heart tells me, I Love You.

More than those... little Pearly Shells.

Test

I'm feeling Disappointed+Angry+Sad+Embarassed+ Give myself a punch+Amused.

To sum it up- F*cked Up!

And that's because I've just completed my PIPC II(Principles of Inorganic and Physical Chemistry) term test 20 minutes ago. A test that is 40marks and a question that requires drawing a graph that is worth 37.5% of the whole paper(15 marks).

And that graph is on the the topic of Chemical Kinetics. I've practically studied and memorised all the damn equations- Rate Law, First Order, Second Order, Arrhenius Equation. It so happens that the easiest came out- Rate Law.

Sidetrack abit, during last week's lecture, my lecturer gave everyone a chart. Apparently, he screwed up and typed the whole paper wrongly. At first, he changed the variable one by one, equation by equation. And I follow suit on my piece of paper. At first he didn't told us the whole paper is wrong! So I edited on all equations EXCEPT THE RATE LAW!!!

The bottom line is, I memorised the WRONG THING!!! I screwed up my x-axis and y-axis on a graph that's worth 15marks!!! It's all my fault for not listening fully during the lecture, as well as verifying it. And I wonder how serious an effect can be just by a small cause!!!

I'm feeling so fucked up that I distant myself from my friends and rush my way out of the exam room.

I dare say I'm 98% prepared for the test, and the other 2% is not that I didn't prepare for it but I memorised the wrong facts! And this 2% is worth 15marks! I just feeling like giving myself a jab on the face!

One of my biggest weakness is that whenever I put in alot of effort and target high expectation, and I don't get the result, I gives up and is 'resisted' to the idea again. In the case of academic, I studied very hard and aim for A, and when I don't get the result, I feel very upset and then, I am 'resisted' to studying hard ever again. This issue arises since very young, and I supposed it does not derived from academic issues but in other issues such as relationships. For instance, when a child behaves intimately with his mother and suddenly she scolds him, and from then on, the child finds it very hard for himself to be intimate again.

Why is it so? Now we're talking psychology! We have two factors to consider, (New Brain/Old Brain) and (Subconscious/Conscious).

The New Brain is basically a part of our brain called the Cerebral Cortex. It is this part that make up superior than animals. It is the root of intelligence, and where the sixth sense lies- Logic. It's purpose is to rationalize and interpret whatever that's outside from what it perceives from the other five senses. It's called the New Brain as it first formed millions of years after mammals had since existed.

The Old Brain is a combination of the the stem cell and limbic system. It is found in all reptiles and mammals and is sometimes known as the 'Reptilian Brain'. It's main purposes is Self-preservation and Reproduction. Of course there's more to it, but I shall not elaborate further.
In this context, we shall define the purpose of the Old Brain as 'reaching out for the maximum comfort possible.'

So, when an action was done and the response is very bad. The New Brain will begin its function and interpret it. But it can interpret that it's bad because the Old Brain tells it so by instinct. Because the response upset the comfortness of the body and the Old Brain needs to do its job by preventing it from happening again. So after the New Brain has interpreted, it sends the message to the Old Brain so that whenever similar situation happens again, it will send signals to the body to resist the situation. So when one trys to carry a hamster for the first time, and was bitten by it, it is highly possible that that person is 'allergic' to carrying a hamster for then on.

I'm running out of time because I still have to study for my next test.

So to cut things short, the subconscious, having a collective and multi-dimensional nature, will register the incident, the cause, effect, interpretation. It is collective to the extend of past-lives as well. Hence, it is an issue of old habit patterns. Whereby a particular issue manifests itself into the life continuity until its solved so that the lesson can be learnt or the karma is balanced. The problem lies in itself- unconscious. If you're so aware of an issue, it wouldn't be under unconscious at all! So the first step is awareness. And this is what spirituality is all about- Know Thyself.

I'll try my best to break this vicious cycle.

RCY Challenge 2007

This camp is full of 'first-time' for me.

This was my first time:
1. in a camp as a VI
2. Interacting with cadets other than those back in Broadrick
3.Camping in Changi Coast MOE Campsite
4. I saw many seniors that I never see before
5. Abseiling
6. 'Suicide jump at 2.5 storeys high (high elements)
7. Mountain-biking (Pulau Ubin)
8. Archery
9. I saw some fellow instructors since 2 years ago who were my ULP-mates and NDP-mates
10. I enjoyed camp so much! (irregardless any past camps I attended)

RCY Challenge 2007 was my second camp (1st was linkamania) in RCY as a non-cadet(nor link!), but my first camp as an instructor. It was also my first time interacting with cadets, other than my own unit back in Broadrick. And that was the biggest Challenge for me.

I really learn alot in this camp and experienced many activities that I'd never done before.

I'm deeply inspired by the organisers by their capability to make such a massive camp a wonderful success; as well as the cadets for being co-operative and respectful.

I paid $15 and it's definitely worth every single cents because, it makes me,
1. enthu to organise my own unit camp
2. put in more effort in my unit
3. want to take part in more HQ events
4. see the fun side of a VI
5. and the reasons from the previous list!

I regret for missing the chance to rock-climb!

Bravo's Campfire Performance for RCY Challenge 2007

Bravo rocks!

Finest Moments of RCY Challenge 2007

These photos are the best there is in my camera, in terms of quality and standard. I love these photos alot! So are not even taken by me. They captures the atmosphere and are indeed the shots of the finest moments of the camp.

General Station

Dragonboat

First aid/Evacuation Games and Role-play

Archery

Bus trip

Heading towards Pulau Ubin

Street Soccer

Mountain-Biking

Rock-climbing

Abseiling

Challenge Rope Course (High Elements)

RCY Challenge 2007 (Group and individual shots)

VIP 0807! (short of 4)

To lead with Pride!

BrAv0 BrAv0 FaMiLy!!!

First night of Camp!

What's UP!

Bravo Mentors! (-2)

Bravo Mentors! (-2)

Bravo Division C6!

See how my cadets enjoy the camp! Me too!

Bravo Mentors! (-3) Arh! no full photo!

Li Xuan Ma'am! Smiling by the sun!

Esther, Yo! Ready to abseil!

Farhan! Tanned Farhan!

Jun Jie! That's a very cheesy cheese! LOL!

Qing Xiang Sir! Emo-ing over enlistment...

Chemistry I

I have a love-hate relationship with chemistry. Its complexity and synchronicity is a beauty, but then I can't help but keep forgetting what I've learn. I realise that my storage capacity duration of certain topics can be as low as 1 day!

What I love about chemistry is the satisfaction it gives when I understands it. Its something which makes sense at a higher level. Which means one has to combines several concepts in order to gain a satisfied conclusion. And when one reaches a right conclusion, it assures that one can think at a higher level, and of course, that'll provide lots of satisfaction and confidence. Chemistry provides self-enlightenment.

What I don't like about chemistry is that sometimes it is just too contradictory and there's just too many exceptions and 'special cases'. Chemistry questions are multi-tasking. It test not only on one concept but many. Let's say one particular question has 10 steps. It is likely that you may need 10 different concepts to tackle that questions. Unfortunately, life of a chemistry practitioner is much harder; other than the 10 'ordinary' concepts, one must also consider exceptions and 'special cases'.

Chemistry is spiritual. It provides many life lessons. All of us can relate and reflect alot of our experiences and phenomena with molecular science. It's a science with many themes. It's something like the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie', whereby every tuesday of the week, the professor will teach one theme in life to his ex-student. So, why not 'Tuesdays with Chemistry'!
Guess what, my 'Principle of Inorganic and Physical Chemistry' and 'Organic Chemistry' lectures are on tuesdays! It's really Tuesdays with Chemistry!

There's so much to type about Chemistry! Well, this is just part I! It shall be continue after my term test!

RCY Challenge Photo

here's esther gettin' ready to abseil!
tanned farhan~

Bravo @ Changi Jetty

smiley smiley with Li Xuan Ma'am
Cheesy JJ!

And the bez division goes to....BRAVO!
To lead wth pride!
Bravo Mentors (positive charge)
Bravo Mentors (Full)!
There's a bird!!!