Yup, no doubt i'm currently in a state of disorientation, confusion and simply out of control.
Something that I studied hard for and I just get a mere pass. Something which I dislike and get the worst of all grades. With a GPA that's very low. So low that its impossible to pull it up high enough to get a scholarship.
Sometimes I just need to reassess myself, which I often does, but it only makes matter worse; unhappiness, moody; confusion. And why do I end up this way? I'm sure some people will experience this as well.
Well, let us define a being (in this case, human) as something or someone with a group of characteristics and patterns. With this, whenever you refer to an individual, you're actually referring not to one, but a collective of beings.
Have you ever observe that sometimes when you want to make a decision, there's this tiny voice in your heart which always oppose you? Or when you thought of doing something, and suddenly you get all hype out for it?
This is something that's very complicated that I have yet to understand fully.
We all have the Essence, the Soul and the Ego. What we do have as well, are attachments and thought forms. What's in a name is made up of so many 'things'. Whenever we say we're clear, focus and when we feel that the situation is in control, that's when your mind is in harmony with all these 'things'. But when confusion and lost are felt, the 'things' are in disagreement with one another.
Whenever we give serious thought to something, or when we think of it very often, it becomes a thoughtform and it stays with you. When someone or something are so close and important to you, most probably it'll manifest an attachment which will stay with you. As we gives those thoughtforms and attachments more attention, we attract it more, it shapes up and gets more real. Whenever we think of it, we're stregthening it, giving it more power. When it attain a certain power, it'll be very hard to control it. When you don't want it to be part of you, it won't just go away so easily and becomes a parasite.
We all are intelligent beings. But we don't always do what we should do.
Our Body don't what it Should do, it do what it Wants to do.
Yup, as one of my guides had thought me and had been making sense to me. We are smart people, we know what's good and what's bad for us. But why do we still not doing everything that's good for us and letting the bad stuffs in our way?
Sometimes we know what we're doing isn't right, isn't good for us, but why do we still commit to doing stuffs which won't do us any good. And when we realise that what we're doing isn't what we want and not good for us, we find ourselves out of control, loss touch of ourselves, confuse, unhappy and loss of hope.
This are all merely distraction from our attachments and thoughtforms. Action, comes from intention and becomes real through our physical body. But who does our Body listens to? When our attachments and thoughtforms get strong enough, they are able to command our body.
Our primitive nature is to constantly seek towards happiness and comfort. And when our Body is given a choice to choose who to follow, it'll follow the one which could provide comfort and happiness, as it think it would. But as we know, to change for the better, to be successful, will often requires us to get out of our comfort zone. At the same time, we often dream and wish for a perfect life, living in paradise, comfortable, free of worries and stress, and we often feel good while dreaming of those. As a Body, given its nature, would it listen to one which wants to change, or one which feels good?
Naturally, our Body will enter what's known as 'shutdown mode' or 'sianness'.
For instance, a boy wants to study hard to make up for his laziness in his past. He did study hard for a few days, but do you think he can study hard for long? His Body simply make it hard for him to happen. Studying hard stresses him, and that's not what his Body wants. His Body prefers him to be what he's like when he's lazing around, feeling good, doing nothing and just live by the day. Soon enough, laziness took over him again.
A confused man gets more tired each day. Why? Because being confuse is stressful! There's so much to thing about! In order to reach the Equilibrium which the Body always want to have, it'll enter 'shutdown mode', whether he wants it or not. It's human nature. And as the confused man gets more upset and unhappy, the more the Body wants to remain in 'shutdown mode'.
When we receive motivation, hope, or confidence, it sometimes doesn't stay for long. That's because our Body isn't use to it. Most often than not, we'll often go back to our old habit patterns, which our Body is on familiar grounds and it has no fear of the unknown.
The better the attachment and thoughtform could convince the Body, the more the Body will listen to them, rather than the genuine one itself. It's the mind that thinks, not the Body. It does not knows what's good or bad for it, and let itself being commanded by which ever that could promise it happiness and comfort. But then you fail guilty. You feel that that's not what you really wanted. There's when you are in disharmony with the Body and the other attachments and thoughtforms. This give rise to inner dispute, confusion and disorientation.
And yes. I'm confused and disorientated right now. I'm in the 'shut down mode'. I left tasks undone, living with old habitual patterns, doing stuffs which ain't good for me. I was motivated not long ago and soon it all left me, as i'm not used to it.
(tbc)
