The Year of Pig is coming to an end soon. And it is time to recollect the days, thinking back the experiences, and finally detaching from it, and look forward to the new year.
Beginning of the Year- January to Feburary
For ten years prior to 2007, I've always started the year with the First Day of School. But this year was something different. I still remember how awkward it felt then. Because I was working at that time. Thinking of the first quarter of 2007, arises the smell of Changi Airport. I've worked there for 10months and spent most of my time working before I start schooling. I love my job, because of its nature: Food. I'm a juicer. Well, just like those working in Starbucks, just that instead of coffee, I'm working on fruits. That's where I regain all the weight I lose during the last six months of 2006! What a waste! But then I got back to my regime a few months later, which I'll share soon.
I watched a whole lot of movies during those days! At least two or three films a week! I was working the midnight shift most of the time, and slept for a few hours after reached home at around nine in the morning, and meet up with my various group of friends for a show in the late afternoon. We went to orchard most of the time, particularly Orchard Cineleisure. I'm just so attracted to that place!
I joined Red Cross's Volunteer Instructors' Programme, VIP for short. I felt that I should make my vision for my school unit comes true, and by doing that I decided to be a VI. It occupied alot of time too, for a camp and various trainings and meetings. Well it did paid off when I pass the programme eventually, and being a Broadrick Red Cross Unit VI now.
So my life was work, movies and Red Cross, until O level results came...
The big 'O' Results- February
O for 'O' Levels and nothing else please. Well I was happy with my results and didn't expect to do that well, 12 points for L1R4! Gave myself a big treat at Botak Jones on that faithful Day with friends. And then came choosing the next path to take...
Choice of tertiary education- February to March
Well, my parents strongly discouraged me to opt for JC. Well, I was considering that route, but with 16 points in hand, I have very limited choices of JC to go to. So I narrowed down to Polytechnic. Since TP is the nearest for me, I narrowed it down further. Design School is clearing not my type and Engineering School seems too technical for me. So I left with Business and Applied Science to choose from. But wait, I like a course very much which is in engineering school though the diploma is of business nature: Diploma of Aviation Management and Services. I liked it so much that I thought about it everyday for a week or two. Then words from others started to influence me to hold back from the course. I was warned that getting a good job was hard with that diploma. That meant alot to me because one of my main criteria for choosing is the job prospect; and bingo! That brings us to why I chose my current course.
It started all with one fine day during the open house, and I happened to bump to a lecturer, a chemical engineer course lecturer. Indeed, his persuasive skills were terrific! So much so that I was very tempted to join this course. He 'promise' that I'll have a bright future that will deliver large salary with this diploma. I discussed it with my family and friends, and it turns out that they strongly encourages me to join it, and it turned out to be a huge family and peer pressure. On top of that, I thought that I can receive help from my mentor for this course, and hopefully will make my studies in this course easier for me. Moreover, since I got distinction for science for 'O' Levels, I thought why couldn't I do as well for it at diploma level? So, with the desire for a lavishing career, choosing a course which would please my family and friends, expecting it to be not as hard aferall, and thought that it was my cup of tea, I chose Chemical Engineering as my first choice.
But wait a minute, did you see interest as one of the reason for my choice? Isn't interest a big factor for doing something? For myself, I believe that I can only excel if I'm doing something of my own interest, and enjoying doing what I'm doing. I would most likely give up if I do things for a reason. And without considering these factors while choosing the course, I made a terrible mistake by chosing Chemical Engineering. I ignored my own interests for the sake of, wanting to have a good career which I can earn alot from; pleasing my friends and family by choosing this course which they want me to go; because I can get external help and get to slack more; that it wouldn't be as difficult as I thought and while thinking that I'll start to like it over time.
On the last day of Orientation, I felt the smallest ache of regret while receiving my time-table and looking at the subjects I'm going to take. And on the first day of school, on the first lesson which was Engineering Mathematics, I regretted joining this course. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Worse, I got complacent because of my 'O' Levels result and underestimated the difficulties of the subjects, coupled with lack of interest to study, and I gotten bad results at the end of the day.
Doing something for a reason lacks the motivation, determination, eagerness from within oneself. These will then comes from the outside and can only work when one feels the rewards by doing what he had done. For instance, money can only be a good motivator if I receives money while studying, and not wishing I can earn alot of money after I graduate because it hasn't happen! Isn't it foolish to keep thinking of the future and not bothering about the present? And how about the reason which is pleasing family and friends. Alright they're please, and the end. They get back to their lives and I'm stuck with mine! So what if I got more help when I don't have the willingness to study? And end up being complacent just because I can get extra help from my mentor?
I made it a point to treat it as a lesson. Never to ignore personal interest; do what I like to do, and don't do it because of whatever. Secondly, don't let others influence me easily because it is my life, and no one is responsible for me other than myself.
This mistake affects the rest of the year...
Semester 1- April to July
Because at tertiary level where the standard is definitely higher than 'O' Levels, it requires genuine studying and not merely 'surface' studying, to do vey well. And so, realising that I have indeed no interest at all and my dislike for mathematics was at its max, I just couldn't study. I naturally diverted more time to red cross, something which is of my interest. It's like, you're with a wife whom you're bored of and suddenly a sexy lady wants to date you. Naturally you'd spend more time with the latter right? So for most of Semester 1, I was escaping reality. I was escaping from the boring wife by finding the sexy lady to be with. But that doesn't change reality that I'll be with the boring wife for good. And eventually the marriage will end up to no good. And that is analogous to my bad results.
During Term 2, I even went back to work frequently on mid-night shift and went to school right after work in the morning! I attend school just for the sake of going and felt very unhappy. Unhappy with my situation and find fault with myself for sabotaging myself. During this four to five months I was in a state of depression. I wasn't living fully at all.
2-month Vacation- August to October
During the vacation, I decided to leave this course. So I was looking around for a course to change to, and looked for my current course manager and told him my decision. This two month of holiday was the comeback of my regime. I hit back to the gym and ran around Bedok Reservoir. I was so fired up that I ran from my house all the way to Bedok Reservoir and ran around it. My longest run was from my house to Bedok Reservoir, which is around twice the distance of Bedok Reservoir, and ran two rounds of the reservoir! Making it four rounds in total! I was so happy that time. And after that run on that night, I was told that running was not good and advised not to run so often. My drive went all the way down and felt like giving up, but fortunately I didn't.
During that time, I started became a vegetarian and fruitarian. And seriously, I didn't eat any meat at all! From around August all the way till end of October! And during this period of time, my mood got better through the healthy habits. And not to forget, I shaved my head to remind myself not to be the same guy as the person who still had the hair! I reassure myself to change. And my hair wasn't waste shaving afterall.
I was working too during the holidays until I was retrenched by my company, when it closes down two out of three outlets in Singapore. And until now, I'm jobless. And I doesn't like the process of finding a job very much. I guess everyone doesn't like it too.
Semester Two, Term 1- October to December
I started it out reluctantly. And for the 2nd and 3rd week, I missed alot of lessons, tutorials and even lab. I was eager to leave the course, and even when to seek for jobs. Because I thought that since I'm going to leave anyway, why study and might as well earn some money first.
However, one day, on CCN Day, I began to think likewise. Then, I completed reading Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven, both writen by Mitch Albom, and felt that what I'm doing should be stopped. Moreover, my aunt who loved me alot was very upset that I was going to quit. Then suddenly a new friend inspired me, caused me to question my conscience and to rethink of my actions, and show me what hardworking, determination, preseverance and maturity is about.
Because of all these, I began to change little by little. I decided that I want to make my mark before I leave this course. I want to try my best and leave with satisfaction.
Honestly, 2007 wasn't a great year. Well, it could have been better. It could too, be worse, if there wasn't my friends and family, my mentor and life coach, my new friends found to accompany me through the year. Thank you.
Bye bye, 2007!
The Pursuit of Happyness
16 years ago
