Term Tests' Over

Finally tests are all over!

Yesturday was Applied Mathematics. And the lecturer typically gave us so much hints as if telling us the whole paper. And I respect this lecturer alot, he's my form teacher, though I just don't show it especially during his lectures, if I do attend. ;p

Just now was the test I looked forward to the most- Organic Chemistry. It's quite fascinating to notice that many of my peers hated and afraid of this subject the most. Since the start test week, I've heard many whining that they're so gonna fail OC, and I follow suit and whine with them too. But deep inside, there's this interest in this particular subject more than any others in my course. You can say its by 'default' because it is the subject with very very little mathematics! In fact it's the only subject (except comm skills subject) that I don't have to bring calculator. And I rather write mechanisms than draw out block diagrams for Thermodynamics.

What's unique for my situation this term is that I've never studied so hard since O levels! Perhaps the post-O Level blues had come to an end, if not for sacrificing last semester to it! Last semester, I was completely complacent and underestimated the subjects. I didn't take lectures and tutorials seriously and my results proved it.

Then came the 1 and 1/2 months holiday. During then I was so looking forward to transfer course. Then I became lost and confused when this semester starts. I thought that since I'm quitting, what for I continue to study, attend lectures, labs and tutorials? So I missed 2 weeks of school. During then, I went on to seek for a job. But in the end, I felt bad. I felt that I'm not being responsible and I can't go on that way. This was brought further by my aunt's tears for her worry for me had became overwhelmed. She thought I've changed from a good boy to a rowdy school-leaver. She thought that I needed some help so she brought me to see a counsellor. During then I had just completed reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and was beginning to read 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. I was also deeply reading 'The Four Agreements'.

All these inspiration ends my confusion and I'd made a decision- Whether I'm going to leave my course or not, it's next year business. But before I leave, I'm going to make my mark and leave with satisfaction; putting on an excellent performance before leaving the stage with pride and
'feel-good'ness, which will make one feel more confident to perform on the next stage. With that, I regreted for missing so many lectures and tutorials that it's quite hard to catch up.

And my class- I've a love-hate feeling for it. It's really like a cycle. I isolated myself from the class because I felt left out, and my classmates thought I'm not interested in them because I don't always mix around with them. My class is splitted in 3 groups. One of it is isolated, and the other two is always interchangeable. I don't see myself in any of the groups, or suitable for any of them. The least enjoyable moments in school is during lab sessions. In fact, I really love labwork, that's why I don't mind joining this course. But I find myself partnered with a character totally opposite of mine!

Side-track abit. I feel that there's a lesson for me to learn here. I'm fated to have this partner because it isn't by randomness but by register number. So one can say we're synchronised to interact this time. This guy is really 'intolerable'! But first I've to admit that I dislike him since the beginning but I've never ill-treated or talk bad about him. I treat him with respect and with equality. Unfortunately, he crossed the line and pushed my patience too much. I decided to say to his face- 'You've a bad attitude!' Just imagine how it feels to be looked down, and by the way, his results isn't fantastic at all! He's still one of the last in class! Sometimes I wonder whether to be angry or amused by him. But the things is, if I were him, I will not look down upon others and treat everyone with respect. The lesson here is, what is the best strategy to deal with someone who isn't favourable to one's character and personality, and offensive? It is- not to change others but yourself; reflect on his actions and learn from it; and to stand up for yourself in times when you're treated unfairly. Anyway, I didn't type this with a purpose to defame him. I still respect him as my classmate and possibly still remain as friends. I typed this just for the amusement of the irony in it.

So back to my class- tutorials are creepy to me. Sometimes I find myself to be lonlier than ever before. Well, I can't blame anyone other than myself for not being part of any of the groups. And well, the bottom line is there's no sense of belonging in me for my class, though I still feel bonded to it, at the minimum. It's still the Class of Good Souls.

During lectures, I'll always feel tempted to find peers from other classes to sit with. Oh well, some things can only be accepted, not change. And that's referring to what one of my classmate that I'm relatively close with said, 'Sometimes you just don't click with some people, but there's instances where you can just become as close as siblings within a few moments.' I've always hated this idea, ever since I've experienced in since secondary school. What if it refers to people whom you're interested in, won't it be hard to accept this idea? Just by blaming it to fate and that there's nothing you can do about it?

There's another important push factor that strives me to work hard this time round. Somehow, someway, I found myself befriending a girl in my course. This girl has kind of 'push the button' or 'awakening the vision', I just doesn't know how to put it in exact word. Basically, I'm inspired by her, just like how Morrie Swartz had inspired me in the book. She has beaten all odds by only her determination, perservarance, hard-work and self-disciplined. I reflected on her upon myself and felt very embarassed. She had shown me a way that's possible and worth heading for. She had gained all the admiration she can get from me. It's quite meaningful of the timing. For if I were to befriend her last semester, when I was in a different conditions and mindset, the feeling and effect she gives me wouldn't be the same as now.