Right now I'm in the midst of my exams. Sad to say I've lost much of my momentum which I've garnered for some time. I've been studying hard for the past few weeks and as time kept passing by even till now, I become more and more distracted. My future path whether changing course or army, financial problem, holiday plans, relationships with friends, family woes, affairs of the heart, and other issues which I can't think of now.
My school life and family is seriously putting me off, and I started to slack. Eating unhealthy food especially donuts and playing viwawa for the entire weekend. Instead of becoming stronger, I've grown weaker, by the nonsense of others. Their actions and words, my interpretations and expectations are distracting my priorities. I always want to put a stop to it, but its happening and I can't just close my eyes, shut my ears, pinch my nose, seal my mouth and pretend nothing happened.
I'm stressed throughout these times, what's different is the type of stress. Last few weeks, I've been rushing through my projects and being very productive, meeting deadlines after deadlines, and scoring better than ever for my lecture quizzes. So stress that surprisingly I don't feel hungry when it's time when I suppose to, and did not even bother about movies at all; and been staying late in school to study. That's good stress! Because that's when I started to like my subjects and gained confidence in staying in my current course.
Then not long after, the stress turns bad... Stress due to fear. Fear of losing, being neglected, failing, lonliness, financial problems and losing control over myself. All those negative feelings start to drop by and won't move on. I'm getting more and more tired.
I'm going to study now. I really hope I can do well for this exam.
There's so much to worry about... even losing my loved ones... emotionally or even, physically.
The Pursuit of Happyness
15 years ago
