The Pursuit of Happyness
17 years ago
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Womendynamics
My newly introduced module for next semester for my engineering course: Womendynamics.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
It's just so depressing...
Ever since the 2nd week of school for this term, my mind hasn't had much peace. One problem after another. One trauma after another. Day by day, it just get worse. Day by day, it weigh me down. Parents, grandpa, friends, projects, term tests, and most of all myself. These are the various tools, episodes, opportunities for various aspects and lessons; loveability, courage, priotization, forgiveness, willingness, expectation, the four agreements, clarification, acceptance, discipline, mentality.
I just feel over-bearing. This time I didn't really hate myself very much, but I lack the willlingness and effort to move on. To sum it up, it is the act of paralysis in me which I find is the main aspect. As Hilarion pointed it out, it is the manifestation of my karma. Ways and which self-sabotage, self-judgment and stopping myself are happening to me. This is the root of who I am today.
As my life coach put it, "If you want to know the past, to know what caused you, look at yourself in the Present, for that is the past's effect. If you want to know your future, look at your Present, for that is the cause of the future."
Who I am now, feeling depressed, overwhelmed, is cause by what I did and thought in the past. Who I am down the road, will be caused by what I do and think now. If I'm paralyse in the past, as well as now, my future will be the same as the past. This is what some called, the vicious downward spiral.
Initially, I have yet to straightened out my thought until very much later so, because I was too depressed to think of whatever thought I have. Somehow, the idea of 'chicken and egg' came out of nowhere.
Which came first? Chicken or the egg? It's somewhat analogous to my issues. Is it my paralysis that makes me unwilling and therefore come problems, or is it my unwillingness cause more problems and hence paralysis.
The underlying concept of the chicken and egg is the idea of 'circular cause and consequence'. The concept of the cause which leads to the consequence leads back to the cause, in which case serves at a circulatory function. When this phenomena prolongs and deepens the problem, it forms a spiral going downwards.
One day I discussed with my mentor, having to learn that a problem and its solution is very separate. The whole picture is the issue itself, which encompass the problem and solution. This is somewhat hard to digest and apply, because, to find the solution within the problem is, not easy.
I feels that I'm in the middle of a place which I'm stuck in, and I've no idea of where am I. And I'm analysing, interpreting, measuring, experimenting, rationalizing my surroundings, hoping to know why I'm stuck, how to get out of this place, what is this place, where am I currently whether I'm near the exit, when will I get out of this place. Trying to make sense of the thing I'm in. I don't know, I can't put it in language, the thought is really mind-boggling, and to have a disorganized thought disorder, it is even more challenging.
Having seen the view of the primary level, I've look at it at the secondary level, the mechanics.
There's a fable about a fox, which upon failing to reach for the grapes hanged high up on the tree branch, said, "The grapes are sour anyway!". This lies in the concept of Rationalization. Sigmund Freud categories it as a form of defense mechanism, whereby a person uses his intellect to find consolation or justification so as not to experience the emotions which are hurtful or unwanted.
It is believed that rationalization is the outcome of cognitive dissonance, which represents the uncomfortable tension resulting from two conflicting thoughts. Apparently, I've yet discover more about this and will have to explore the relationship between these two concepts. But, the experience of this tension is very familiar to me. It explain why, I say and agree on something and do otherwise: double standardness.
The relation moves on, like a spectrum, or rather, something like a archery board. I couldn't describe it well, because the pattern seems to possess many levels but it also seems like all of it is of equality whereby it all comes together as a package instead of like a staircase. Well, as disturbing as it may sound, I come across myself as having the symptoms of schizophrenia. Ways and which, delusions, disorganised speeches and thoughts and sometimes hallucinations. Holding on to beliefs, which are already proven wrong or false, difficulty communicating and sometimes speaking condradictingly, defensively, offensively and even speaking what I don't want to speak about.
I've learn that it may be caused by childhood, whereby I've been exposed to 'double bindness'. It is a situation which the receiver receives contradictory messages from the other end. Instances whereby a mother claims to love her son, yet threatens or punish him, whilst the son receiving two different message at different communcative levels. And because a young child couldn't understand what is contradiction and therefore doesn't know how to respond. A child lose its ability to return love. As he grows, the issue grows too, branching out to more issues.
Having being exposed to double bindness at a frequent level, schizophrenia develops. Which give rise to cognitive dissonance and then rationalization and others which I've yet found out. What I'm doing right now, blogging this out, and finding this and that, may be considered a form of consolation and rationalization, it doesn't really solve the problem, or rather, haven't solve the problem.
Last week, I cried alot; in school during lecture and breaks, during buses. The most was when I visited my grandma's ashes last sunday. When I saw her photo ever since ten years ago, I cried out loudly, in front of my relatives. Well, most of the time I could held back my tears due to ego but that time I couldn't held any longer. It didn't stop for that day. From then on when I recalled her photo, I'll cry. In fact, tears are coming out right now while I'm typing this. The thing is I've a blurred idea of why I'm crying. I couldn't understand this part of myself. I remembered that druing her funeral which lasted for 7 days, I did not ever cried once at the funeral during the night, but I recalled vividly crying out of sudden when I was in primary school in class. Really out of sudden, whining 'my grandma had passed away'. I've always believed that I'd caused her suicide, because having to lived with my grandparents ever since I was born, and suddenly my parents brought me home. The next day, she's gone. I was primary two then. And now ten years later, the grieve reappeared in which I couldn't control my emotions.
My term test results was demoralising. I was very upset by it. Although I improved by failing just one instead of two, as well as scoring higher than before, I thought I could have done better.
I also felt friendless. No one else to talk to but a few. Like for my class, I kind of feel inferior because I don't seems to fit into any of the cliques. And even my new friends, I seems to feel that I'm a stranger to them. It is this issue which I identified with circular cause and effect as mentioned above. It is something like a self-fulfilling prophecy too. Between my antisocial behaviour and my friendship with others. Fear of rejection which ultimately leads to the subject of the fear.
Sometimes I just wish that I can replay my life, see how I live and correct my mistakes. Because I realise most of the time I'm doing what I don't want to do, being who I don't want to be, and I don't know what I'm doing. A lost child.
One of my resolutions stated below is to keep the number of bad days low. I hope after this period, I'll have good days all the way.
I just feel over-bearing. This time I didn't really hate myself very much, but I lack the willlingness and effort to move on. To sum it up, it is the act of paralysis in me which I find is the main aspect. As Hilarion pointed it out, it is the manifestation of my karma. Ways and which self-sabotage, self-judgment and stopping myself are happening to me. This is the root of who I am today.
As my life coach put it, "If you want to know the past, to know what caused you, look at yourself in the Present, for that is the past's effect. If you want to know your future, look at your Present, for that is the cause of the future."
Who I am now, feeling depressed, overwhelmed, is cause by what I did and thought in the past. Who I am down the road, will be caused by what I do and think now. If I'm paralyse in the past, as well as now, my future will be the same as the past. This is what some called, the vicious downward spiral.
Initially, I have yet to straightened out my thought until very much later so, because I was too depressed to think of whatever thought I have. Somehow, the idea of 'chicken and egg' came out of nowhere.
Which came first? Chicken or the egg? It's somewhat analogous to my issues. Is it my paralysis that makes me unwilling and therefore come problems, or is it my unwillingness cause more problems and hence paralysis.
The underlying concept of the chicken and egg is the idea of 'circular cause and consequence'. The concept of the cause which leads to the consequence leads back to the cause, in which case serves at a circulatory function. When this phenomena prolongs and deepens the problem, it forms a spiral going downwards.
One day I discussed with my mentor, having to learn that a problem and its solution is very separate. The whole picture is the issue itself, which encompass the problem and solution. This is somewhat hard to digest and apply, because, to find the solution within the problem is, not easy.
I feels that I'm in the middle of a place which I'm stuck in, and I've no idea of where am I. And I'm analysing, interpreting, measuring, experimenting, rationalizing my surroundings, hoping to know why I'm stuck, how to get out of this place, what is this place, where am I currently whether I'm near the exit, when will I get out of this place. Trying to make sense of the thing I'm in. I don't know, I can't put it in language, the thought is really mind-boggling, and to have a disorganized thought disorder, it is even more challenging.
Having seen the view of the primary level, I've look at it at the secondary level, the mechanics.
There's a fable about a fox, which upon failing to reach for the grapes hanged high up on the tree branch, said, "The grapes are sour anyway!". This lies in the concept of Rationalization. Sigmund Freud categories it as a form of defense mechanism, whereby a person uses his intellect to find consolation or justification so as not to experience the emotions which are hurtful or unwanted.
It is believed that rationalization is the outcome of cognitive dissonance, which represents the uncomfortable tension resulting from two conflicting thoughts. Apparently, I've yet discover more about this and will have to explore the relationship between these two concepts. But, the experience of this tension is very familiar to me. It explain why, I say and agree on something and do otherwise: double standardness.
The relation moves on, like a spectrum, or rather, something like a archery board. I couldn't describe it well, because the pattern seems to possess many levels but it also seems like all of it is of equality whereby it all comes together as a package instead of like a staircase. Well, as disturbing as it may sound, I come across myself as having the symptoms of schizophrenia. Ways and which, delusions, disorganised speeches and thoughts and sometimes hallucinations. Holding on to beliefs, which are already proven wrong or false, difficulty communicating and sometimes speaking condradictingly, defensively, offensively and even speaking what I don't want to speak about.
I've learn that it may be caused by childhood, whereby I've been exposed to 'double bindness'. It is a situation which the receiver receives contradictory messages from the other end. Instances whereby a mother claims to love her son, yet threatens or punish him, whilst the son receiving two different message at different communcative levels. And because a young child couldn't understand what is contradiction and therefore doesn't know how to respond. A child lose its ability to return love. As he grows, the issue grows too, branching out to more issues.
Having being exposed to double bindness at a frequent level, schizophrenia develops. Which give rise to cognitive dissonance and then rationalization and others which I've yet found out. What I'm doing right now, blogging this out, and finding this and that, may be considered a form of consolation and rationalization, it doesn't really solve the problem, or rather, haven't solve the problem.
Last week, I cried alot; in school during lecture and breaks, during buses. The most was when I visited my grandma's ashes last sunday. When I saw her photo ever since ten years ago, I cried out loudly, in front of my relatives. Well, most of the time I could held back my tears due to ego but that time I couldn't held any longer. It didn't stop for that day. From then on when I recalled her photo, I'll cry. In fact, tears are coming out right now while I'm typing this. The thing is I've a blurred idea of why I'm crying. I couldn't understand this part of myself. I remembered that druing her funeral which lasted for 7 days, I did not ever cried once at the funeral during the night, but I recalled vividly crying out of sudden when I was in primary school in class. Really out of sudden, whining 'my grandma had passed away'. I've always believed that I'd caused her suicide, because having to lived with my grandparents ever since I was born, and suddenly my parents brought me home. The next day, she's gone. I was primary two then. And now ten years later, the grieve reappeared in which I couldn't control my emotions.
My term test results was demoralising. I was very upset by it. Although I improved by failing just one instead of two, as well as scoring higher than before, I thought I could have done better.
I also felt friendless. No one else to talk to but a few. Like for my class, I kind of feel inferior because I don't seems to fit into any of the cliques. And even my new friends, I seems to feel that I'm a stranger to them. It is this issue which I identified with circular cause and effect as mentioned above. It is something like a self-fulfilling prophecy too. Between my antisocial behaviour and my friendship with others. Fear of rejection which ultimately leads to the subject of the fear.
Sometimes I just wish that I can replay my life, see how I live and correct my mistakes. Because I realise most of the time I'm doing what I don't want to do, being who I don't want to be, and I don't know what I'm doing. A lost child.
One of my resolutions stated below is to keep the number of bad days low. I hope after this period, I'll have good days all the way.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
A New Year
Well, its been a week into the new year. It is this very week which determines whether a 'new year resolution' works for the person. If it still works tomorrow, then probably it'll work for the rest of the year. If not, then try another resolution.
My resolutions seems to be increasing yearly. Because some will be the same as past years like losing weight. It sounds embarassing but that's the truth!
Goal for 2008:
To get into Consumer Science and Technology. Well, if I can't get in, maybe I'll stay put.
Do my best for my current modules.
To get my hands on Yamaha's DGX-620 and learn to play Forbidden Love, The Secret and 'Jay Chou's Duet Piece'.
Buy my favourite books. Guess what, my wish list are topped with many books! Seems nerdy ya? I just can't help appreciate the interesting knowledge that books bring to people.
What I have mostly at long term goals; goals that rest not for a year but for the many there is to come.
Long-term goals:
Be a better man. I know it sounds cliche but what else do you call it that's not cliche? Be a nice guy?
Be a good friend. It's almost like the 1st goal but more specific. I'm not saying I'm not a good friend all these while, but I can certainly be better, especially to some of my friends before I lose them.
Know Thyself. What is more important than ownself? Certainly self-awareness is the key to success!
Not being a perfectionist. It's quite tough, but putting effort into it.
Be a good leader. Specifically for my Red Cross Unit. This year onwards, my senior will be stepping down and that makes me a senior, with two new junior instructor and one whole unit to take care of. I do have grear plans for it. Well, as the saying goes, "Words shows one's wit, and Action shows one Intention." Saying is easy, but to get things done isn't.
Be an efficient communicator/speaker. That's one big problem I have; disorganised thoughts and speeches. I suspect having schizophrenia. And I aim to be an "Accredited Competent Toastmaster". That's what they called it in Toastmasters when you have attained a certain standard.
Learn to play piano- the proper way. Well, I need $$$ for lessons!
Improve my english. I want to be an author someday, writing my own books. Be it fictional, self-help, inspirational, spiritual, scientific, biography. All of those!
Be a movie-maker. How wonderful it'll be if I can bring my books alive! You don't see J.K. Rowling as a director ya? It seems too far-fetched, but anything is possible!
Be discipline. This is one big trump card. If I'm very disciplined, I won't be who I am today, seriously.
Be consistent with The Four Agreements. Speak impeccably. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. It may sound easy, but it isn't!
Save money. I didn't save much this year.
Be fit and in shape. Nothing surprising...
Be alive. I'm known as a rationalizer/complicater to my life coach. Having to think too much and spend no time getting back to reality and start living.
Journey on my spiritual path. Its up and going. Being able to start at this age is a privilege.
Helping my friends to embark on their spiritual path. This is difficult! Well, I guess I can't handle it now, and probably will have to wait a few more years.
Cut down on the number of bad days. Some days of the year must be bad, I would like to cope with it better, and to minimise its occurance. Thinking back the number of suicidal days...
Learn to say 'No'. Well, I'd always been a 'yes-man'.
Relationships. Well, after a recent attempt, I've pretty much get it out of the system. But then its like deleting the icon you see on the desktop, but the actual program is still there. I'm really a libra, who fell in love with love. Sounds cool ya? I just hope that I won't screw myself up this time round.
Learn to roller-skate. Sound so random! But I always like the idea of blading to school or wherever I go!
To travel overseas with my friends. Just thinking of it makes me excited! If it's with guy friends, I'd like to go Miami, or Las Vegas, or Tokyo. If it's with my future girlfriend then I'd like to go to Paris, Kyoto, Seattle, England, Hong Kong, Genting Highlands. There's some attactions which I want to go someday like Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota, Niagara Falls in New York, Grand Canyon in Arizona and some others which I can't think of.
I'm too tired to think of any at the moment. That's it for now. Have a great week ahead!
My resolutions seems to be increasing yearly. Because some will be the same as past years like losing weight. It sounds embarassing but that's the truth!
Goal for 2008:
To get into Consumer Science and Technology. Well, if I can't get in, maybe I'll stay put.
Do my best for my current modules.
To get my hands on Yamaha's DGX-620 and learn to play Forbidden Love, The Secret and 'Jay Chou's Duet Piece'.
Buy my favourite books. Guess what, my wish list are topped with many books! Seems nerdy ya? I just can't help appreciate the interesting knowledge that books bring to people.
What I have mostly at long term goals; goals that rest not for a year but for the many there is to come.
Long-term goals:
Be a better man. I know it sounds cliche but what else do you call it that's not cliche? Be a nice guy?
Be a good friend. It's almost like the 1st goal but more specific. I'm not saying I'm not a good friend all these while, but I can certainly be better, especially to some of my friends before I lose them.
Know Thyself. What is more important than ownself? Certainly self-awareness is the key to success!
Not being a perfectionist. It's quite tough, but putting effort into it.
Be a good leader. Specifically for my Red Cross Unit. This year onwards, my senior will be stepping down and that makes me a senior, with two new junior instructor and one whole unit to take care of. I do have grear plans for it. Well, as the saying goes, "Words shows one's wit, and Action shows one Intention." Saying is easy, but to get things done isn't.
Be an efficient communicator/speaker. That's one big problem I have; disorganised thoughts and speeches. I suspect having schizophrenia. And I aim to be an "Accredited Competent Toastmaster". That's what they called it in Toastmasters when you have attained a certain standard.
Learn to play piano- the proper way. Well, I need $$$ for lessons!
Improve my english. I want to be an author someday, writing my own books. Be it fictional, self-help, inspirational, spiritual, scientific, biography. All of those!
Be a movie-maker. How wonderful it'll be if I can bring my books alive! You don't see J.K. Rowling as a director ya? It seems too far-fetched, but anything is possible!
Be discipline. This is one big trump card. If I'm very disciplined, I won't be who I am today, seriously.
Be consistent with The Four Agreements. Speak impeccably. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. It may sound easy, but it isn't!
Save money. I didn't save much this year.
Be fit and in shape. Nothing surprising...
Be alive. I'm known as a rationalizer/complicater to my life coach. Having to think too much and spend no time getting back to reality and start living.
Journey on my spiritual path. Its up and going. Being able to start at this age is a privilege.
Helping my friends to embark on their spiritual path. This is difficult! Well, I guess I can't handle it now, and probably will have to wait a few more years.
Cut down on the number of bad days. Some days of the year must be bad, I would like to cope with it better, and to minimise its occurance. Thinking back the number of suicidal days...
Learn to say 'No'. Well, I'd always been a 'yes-man'.
Relationships. Well, after a recent attempt, I've pretty much get it out of the system. But then its like deleting the icon you see on the desktop, but the actual program is still there. I'm really a libra, who fell in love with love. Sounds cool ya? I just hope that I won't screw myself up this time round.
Learn to roller-skate. Sound so random! But I always like the idea of blading to school or wherever I go!
To travel overseas with my friends. Just thinking of it makes me excited! If it's with guy friends, I'd like to go Miami, or Las Vegas, or Tokyo. If it's with my future girlfriend then I'd like to go to Paris, Kyoto, Seattle, England, Hong Kong, Genting Highlands. There's some attactions which I want to go someday like Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota, Niagara Falls in New York, Grand Canyon in Arizona and some others which I can't think of.
I'm too tired to think of any at the moment. That's it for now. Have a great week ahead!
As A Red Cross Cadet
Movie: As A Red Cross Cadet
Director: Zachary Ong Wei Ren
Executive Producer: Zachary Ong Wei Ren
Studio: Weirenism Creations Inc.
Distributor: Weirenism Pictures International
Rating: G
Running Time: 5 minutes
Release Date: 12th January
Cast: Myself, some other instructors, teachers, Broadrick cadets, and cadets from Bravo Division of RCY Challenge 2008
Exclusive Premiere: Broadrick Sec. School CCA Orientation 2008
I made a video for my school unit, hoping it'll help us to recruit 15-20 sec 1s.
If you're a red cross cadet or once a cadet, tell me if it's interesting or not.
If you're not a red cross cadet,tell me if it makes you wanna join red cross!
This is my first time making a movie, and I really like what I've done, although I know that there's alot of improvment that can be done.
Enjoy!
Friday, January 4, 2008
Movies 2008
Happy New Year!
As a movie lover, I'm so happy that this year will release many good movies! I remember the last time I felt very much for movies was in 2002/03. That was went Spiderman, and Star Wars: Episode II, and the 1st installment of Harry Potter. That was the start of my fondness of cinema-going. But then during my lower secondary days, there weren't many good movies in the box office. The atmosphere wasn't there. Well, good movies bring sensations. And sometimes people like me gets addicted to these sensations. And I believe, 2008 will provide this sensations adequately throughout the whole year!
"Must Watch!" Movies 5 stars
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (sure rocks!)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (It's a yearly affair!)
Iron Man (sounds exciting!)
The Dark Knight (I never missed any of his movie before!)
Spawn II (my childhood superhero!)
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (I just love Mummy!)
The Incredible Hulk (a re-make of the green monster)
James Bond 22 (the first ever bond movie to be a sequel of the previous installment)
Hellboy: The Golden Army (the 1st movie is very nice!)
Rambo IV (I missed three of it and not gonna miss this one!)
The Forbidden Kingdom (Jackie Chan! Jet Li!)
"I don't mind watching" Movies 4 stars
The Eye (Jessica Alba!!!)
Horton Hears a Who! (That funny cartoon elephant trailer!)
Speed Racers (fast and furious yet again!)
Star Trek (won't be a disappointing one!)
Ah-Long Limited (an annual CNY treat from Jack Neo)
Kung Fu Dunk (no more piano-playing, ball this time!)
CJ 7 (Stephen Chow's new trick up his sleeves)
Cloverfield (something like Godzilla...)
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (I'll try to watch the 1st movie if not I'll skip this too...)
Punisher: War Zone (another comic tale...)
Babylon A.D. (Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh...there's gotta be lots of action!)
Step Up 2: The Streets (keeps my feet moving!)
Goal! 2: Living the Dream... (see my friend gregory wanna watch)
Goal! 3 (release still not confirmed)
Madagascar 2: The Crate Escape (the first one was funny!)
Ace Ventura Jr. (man, Jim Carrey's not in it!)
Day of the Dead (it should be good)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (sounds cool!)
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (I don't play the game...)
"See how first..." Movies 3 stars
Meet the Spartans (not another parody...)
Superhero! (looks not bad...)
Mad Money (a good time-passer)
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggietales Movie (I don't know what to say! Veggies?!)
10,000 BC (I'm interested in history, not really prehistoric ones though)
Shutter (a re-make, shall see then)
Angels and Demons ( I didn't see Da Vinci Code...)
The Time Traveller's Wife (sci-fi romance)
Scary Movie 5 (another scary movie...)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (interesting storyline...)
Australia (a war movie starring Nicole Kidman)
The Box (some horror flick)
Possession (starring Sarah Michelle Gellar)
Starship Dave (a sci-fi comedy)
Wall-E (another pixar animation about some cute robots)
As a movie lover, I'm so happy that this year will release many good movies! I remember the last time I felt very much for movies was in 2002/03. That was went Spiderman, and Star Wars: Episode II, and the 1st installment of Harry Potter. That was the start of my fondness of cinema-going. But then during my lower secondary days, there weren't many good movies in the box office. The atmosphere wasn't there. Well, good movies bring sensations. And sometimes people like me gets addicted to these sensations. And I believe, 2008 will provide this sensations adequately throughout the whole year!
"Must Watch!" Movies 5 stars
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (sure rocks!)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (It's a yearly affair!)
Iron Man (sounds exciting!)
The Dark Knight (I never missed any of his movie before!)
Spawn II (my childhood superhero!)
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (I just love Mummy!)
The Incredible Hulk (a re-make of the green monster)
James Bond 22 (the first ever bond movie to be a sequel of the previous installment)
Hellboy: The Golden Army (the 1st movie is very nice!)
Rambo IV (I missed three of it and not gonna miss this one!)
The Forbidden Kingdom (Jackie Chan! Jet Li!)
"I don't mind watching" Movies 4 stars
The Eye (Jessica Alba!!!)
Horton Hears a Who! (That funny cartoon elephant trailer!)
Speed Racers (fast and furious yet again!)
Star Trek (won't be a disappointing one!)
Ah-Long Limited (an annual CNY treat from Jack Neo)
Kung Fu Dunk (no more piano-playing, ball this time!)
CJ 7 (Stephen Chow's new trick up his sleeves)
Cloverfield (something like Godzilla...)
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (I'll try to watch the 1st movie if not I'll skip this too...)
Punisher: War Zone (another comic tale...)
Babylon A.D. (Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh...there's gotta be lots of action!)
Step Up 2: The Streets (keeps my feet moving!)
Goal! 2: Living the Dream... (see my friend gregory wanna watch)
Goal! 3 (release still not confirmed)
Madagascar 2: The Crate Escape (the first one was funny!)
Ace Ventura Jr. (man, Jim Carrey's not in it!)
Day of the Dead (it should be good)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (sounds cool!)
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (I don't play the game...)
"See how first..." Movies 3 stars
Meet the Spartans (not another parody...)
Superhero! (looks not bad...)
Mad Money (a good time-passer)
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggietales Movie (I don't know what to say! Veggies?!)
10,000 BC (I'm interested in history, not really prehistoric ones though)
Shutter (a re-make, shall see then)
Angels and Demons ( I didn't see Da Vinci Code...)
The Time Traveller's Wife (sci-fi romance)
Scary Movie 5 (another scary movie...)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (interesting storyline...)
Australia (a war movie starring Nicole Kidman)
The Box (some horror flick)
Possession (starring Sarah Michelle Gellar)
Starship Dave (a sci-fi comedy)
Wall-E (another pixar animation about some cute robots)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Farewell 2007...
The Year of Pig is coming to an end soon. And it is time to recollect the days, thinking back the experiences, and finally detaching from it, and look forward to the new year.
Beginning of the Year- January to Feburary
For ten years prior to 2007, I've always started the year with the First Day of School. But this year was something different. I still remember how awkward it felt then. Because I was working at that time. Thinking of the first quarter of 2007, arises the smell of Changi Airport. I've worked there for 10months and spent most of my time working before I start schooling. I love my job, because of its nature: Food. I'm a juicer. Well, just like those working in Starbucks, just that instead of coffee, I'm working on fruits. That's where I regain all the weight I lose during the last six months of 2006! What a waste! But then I got back to my regime a few months later, which I'll share soon.
I watched a whole lot of movies during those days! At least two or three films a week! I was working the midnight shift most of the time, and slept for a few hours after reached home at around nine in the morning, and meet up with my various group of friends for a show in the late afternoon. We went to orchard most of the time, particularly Orchard Cineleisure. I'm just so attracted to that place!
I joined Red Cross's Volunteer Instructors' Programme, VIP for short. I felt that I should make my vision for my school unit comes true, and by doing that I decided to be a VI. It occupied alot of time too, for a camp and various trainings and meetings. Well it did paid off when I pass the programme eventually, and being a Broadrick Red Cross Unit VI now.
So my life was work, movies and Red Cross, until O level results came...
The big 'O' Results- February
O for 'O' Levels and nothing else please. Well I was happy with my results and didn't expect to do that well, 12 points for L1R4! Gave myself a big treat at Botak Jones on that faithful Day with friends. And then came choosing the next path to take...
Choice of tertiary education- February to March
Well, my parents strongly discouraged me to opt for JC. Well, I was considering that route, but with 16 points in hand, I have very limited choices of JC to go to. So I narrowed down to Polytechnic. Since TP is the nearest for me, I narrowed it down further. Design School is clearing not my type and Engineering School seems too technical for me. So I left with Business and Applied Science to choose from. But wait, I like a course very much which is in engineering school though the diploma is of business nature: Diploma of Aviation Management and Services. I liked it so much that I thought about it everyday for a week or two. Then words from others started to influence me to hold back from the course. I was warned that getting a good job was hard with that diploma. That meant alot to me because one of my main criteria for choosing is the job prospect; and bingo! That brings us to why I chose my current course.
It started all with one fine day during the open house, and I happened to bump to a lecturer, a chemical engineer course lecturer. Indeed, his persuasive skills were terrific! So much so that I was very tempted to join this course. He 'promise' that I'll have a bright future that will deliver large salary with this diploma. I discussed it with my family and friends, and it turns out that they strongly encourages me to join it, and it turned out to be a huge family and peer pressure. On top of that, I thought that I can receive help from my mentor for this course, and hopefully will make my studies in this course easier for me. Moreover, since I got distinction for science for 'O' Levels, I thought why couldn't I do as well for it at diploma level? So, with the desire for a lavishing career, choosing a course which would please my family and friends, expecting it to be not as hard aferall, and thought that it was my cup of tea, I chose Chemical Engineering as my first choice.
But wait a minute, did you see interest as one of the reason for my choice? Isn't interest a big factor for doing something? For myself, I believe that I can only excel if I'm doing something of my own interest, and enjoying doing what I'm doing. I would most likely give up if I do things for a reason. And without considering these factors while choosing the course, I made a terrible mistake by chosing Chemical Engineering. I ignored my own interests for the sake of, wanting to have a good career which I can earn alot from; pleasing my friends and family by choosing this course which they want me to go; because I can get external help and get to slack more; that it wouldn't be as difficult as I thought and while thinking that I'll start to like it over time.
On the last day of Orientation, I felt the smallest ache of regret while receiving my time-table and looking at the subjects I'm going to take. And on the first day of school, on the first lesson which was Engineering Mathematics, I regretted joining this course. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Worse, I got complacent because of my 'O' Levels result and underestimated the difficulties of the subjects, coupled with lack of interest to study, and I gotten bad results at the end of the day.
Doing something for a reason lacks the motivation, determination, eagerness from within oneself. These will then comes from the outside and can only work when one feels the rewards by doing what he had done. For instance, money can only be a good motivator if I receives money while studying, and not wishing I can earn alot of money after I graduate because it hasn't happen! Isn't it foolish to keep thinking of the future and not bothering about the present? And how about the reason which is pleasing family and friends. Alright they're please, and the end. They get back to their lives and I'm stuck with mine! So what if I got more help when I don't have the willingness to study? And end up being complacent just because I can get extra help from my mentor?
I made it a point to treat it as a lesson. Never to ignore personal interest; do what I like to do, and don't do it because of whatever. Secondly, don't let others influence me easily because it is my life, and no one is responsible for me other than myself.
This mistake affects the rest of the year...
Semester 1- April to July
Because at tertiary level where the standard is definitely higher than 'O' Levels, it requires genuine studying and not merely 'surface' studying, to do vey well. And so, realising that I have indeed no interest at all and my dislike for mathematics was at its max, I just couldn't study. I naturally diverted more time to red cross, something which is of my interest. It's like, you're with a wife whom you're bored of and suddenly a sexy lady wants to date you. Naturally you'd spend more time with the latter right? So for most of Semester 1, I was escaping reality. I was escaping from the boring wife by finding the sexy lady to be with. But that doesn't change reality that I'll be with the boring wife for good. And eventually the marriage will end up to no good. And that is analogous to my bad results.
During Term 2, I even went back to work frequently on mid-night shift and went to school right after work in the morning! I attend school just for the sake of going and felt very unhappy. Unhappy with my situation and find fault with myself for sabotaging myself. During this four to five months I was in a state of depression. I wasn't living fully at all.
2-month Vacation- August to October
During the vacation, I decided to leave this course. So I was looking around for a course to change to, and looked for my current course manager and told him my decision. This two month of holiday was the comeback of my regime. I hit back to the gym and ran around Bedok Reservoir. I was so fired up that I ran from my house all the way to Bedok Reservoir and ran around it. My longest run was from my house to Bedok Reservoir, which is around twice the distance of Bedok Reservoir, and ran two rounds of the reservoir! Making it four rounds in total! I was so happy that time. And after that run on that night, I was told that running was not good and advised not to run so often. My drive went all the way down and felt like giving up, but fortunately I didn't.
During that time, I started became a vegetarian and fruitarian. And seriously, I didn't eat any meat at all! From around August all the way till end of October! And during this period of time, my mood got better through the healthy habits. And not to forget, I shaved my head to remind myself not to be the same guy as the person who still had the hair! I reassure myself to change. And my hair wasn't waste shaving afterall.
I was working too during the holidays until I was retrenched by my company, when it closes down two out of three outlets in Singapore. And until now, I'm jobless. And I doesn't like the process of finding a job very much. I guess everyone doesn't like it too.
Semester Two, Term 1- October to December
I started it out reluctantly. And for the 2nd and 3rd week, I missed alot of lessons, tutorials and even lab. I was eager to leave the course, and even when to seek for jobs. Because I thought that since I'm going to leave anyway, why study and might as well earn some money first.
However, one day, on CCN Day, I began to think likewise. Then, I completed reading Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven, both writen by Mitch Albom, and felt that what I'm doing should be stopped. Moreover, my aunt who loved me alot was very upset that I was going to quit. Then suddenly a new friend inspired me, caused me to question my conscience and to rethink of my actions, and show me what hardworking, determination, preseverance and maturity is about.
Because of all these, I began to change little by little. I decided that I want to make my mark before I leave this course. I want to try my best and leave with satisfaction.
Honestly, 2007 wasn't a great year. Well, it could have been better. It could too, be worse, if there wasn't my friends and family, my mentor and life coach, my new friends found to accompany me through the year. Thank you.
Bye bye, 2007!
Beginning of the Year- January to Feburary
For ten years prior to 2007, I've always started the year with the First Day of School. But this year was something different. I still remember how awkward it felt then. Because I was working at that time. Thinking of the first quarter of 2007, arises the smell of Changi Airport. I've worked there for 10months and spent most of my time working before I start schooling. I love my job, because of its nature: Food. I'm a juicer. Well, just like those working in Starbucks, just that instead of coffee, I'm working on fruits. That's where I regain all the weight I lose during the last six months of 2006! What a waste! But then I got back to my regime a few months later, which I'll share soon.
I watched a whole lot of movies during those days! At least two or three films a week! I was working the midnight shift most of the time, and slept for a few hours after reached home at around nine in the morning, and meet up with my various group of friends for a show in the late afternoon. We went to orchard most of the time, particularly Orchard Cineleisure. I'm just so attracted to that place!
I joined Red Cross's Volunteer Instructors' Programme, VIP for short. I felt that I should make my vision for my school unit comes true, and by doing that I decided to be a VI. It occupied alot of time too, for a camp and various trainings and meetings. Well it did paid off when I pass the programme eventually, and being a Broadrick Red Cross Unit VI now.
So my life was work, movies and Red Cross, until O level results came...
The big 'O' Results- February
O for 'O' Levels and nothing else please. Well I was happy with my results and didn't expect to do that well, 12 points for L1R4! Gave myself a big treat at Botak Jones on that faithful Day with friends. And then came choosing the next path to take...
Choice of tertiary education- February to March
Well, my parents strongly discouraged me to opt for JC. Well, I was considering that route, but with 16 points in hand, I have very limited choices of JC to go to. So I narrowed down to Polytechnic. Since TP is the nearest for me, I narrowed it down further. Design School is clearing not my type and Engineering School seems too technical for me. So I left with Business and Applied Science to choose from. But wait, I like a course very much which is in engineering school though the diploma is of business nature: Diploma of Aviation Management and Services. I liked it so much that I thought about it everyday for a week or two. Then words from others started to influence me to hold back from the course. I was warned that getting a good job was hard with that diploma. That meant alot to me because one of my main criteria for choosing is the job prospect; and bingo! That brings us to why I chose my current course.
It started all with one fine day during the open house, and I happened to bump to a lecturer, a chemical engineer course lecturer. Indeed, his persuasive skills were terrific! So much so that I was very tempted to join this course. He 'promise' that I'll have a bright future that will deliver large salary with this diploma. I discussed it with my family and friends, and it turns out that they strongly encourages me to join it, and it turned out to be a huge family and peer pressure. On top of that, I thought that I can receive help from my mentor for this course, and hopefully will make my studies in this course easier for me. Moreover, since I got distinction for science for 'O' Levels, I thought why couldn't I do as well for it at diploma level? So, with the desire for a lavishing career, choosing a course which would please my family and friends, expecting it to be not as hard aferall, and thought that it was my cup of tea, I chose Chemical Engineering as my first choice.
But wait a minute, did you see interest as one of the reason for my choice? Isn't interest a big factor for doing something? For myself, I believe that I can only excel if I'm doing something of my own interest, and enjoying doing what I'm doing. I would most likely give up if I do things for a reason. And without considering these factors while choosing the course, I made a terrible mistake by chosing Chemical Engineering. I ignored my own interests for the sake of, wanting to have a good career which I can earn alot from; pleasing my friends and family by choosing this course which they want me to go; because I can get external help and get to slack more; that it wouldn't be as difficult as I thought and while thinking that I'll start to like it over time.
On the last day of Orientation, I felt the smallest ache of regret while receiving my time-table and looking at the subjects I'm going to take. And on the first day of school, on the first lesson which was Engineering Mathematics, I regretted joining this course. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Worse, I got complacent because of my 'O' Levels result and underestimated the difficulties of the subjects, coupled with lack of interest to study, and I gotten bad results at the end of the day.
Doing something for a reason lacks the motivation, determination, eagerness from within oneself. These will then comes from the outside and can only work when one feels the rewards by doing what he had done. For instance, money can only be a good motivator if I receives money while studying, and not wishing I can earn alot of money after I graduate because it hasn't happen! Isn't it foolish to keep thinking of the future and not bothering about the present? And how about the reason which is pleasing family and friends. Alright they're please, and the end. They get back to their lives and I'm stuck with mine! So what if I got more help when I don't have the willingness to study? And end up being complacent just because I can get extra help from my mentor?
I made it a point to treat it as a lesson. Never to ignore personal interest; do what I like to do, and don't do it because of whatever. Secondly, don't let others influence me easily because it is my life, and no one is responsible for me other than myself.
This mistake affects the rest of the year...
Semester 1- April to July
Because at tertiary level where the standard is definitely higher than 'O' Levels, it requires genuine studying and not merely 'surface' studying, to do vey well. And so, realising that I have indeed no interest at all and my dislike for mathematics was at its max, I just couldn't study. I naturally diverted more time to red cross, something which is of my interest. It's like, you're with a wife whom you're bored of and suddenly a sexy lady wants to date you. Naturally you'd spend more time with the latter right? So for most of Semester 1, I was escaping reality. I was escaping from the boring wife by finding the sexy lady to be with. But that doesn't change reality that I'll be with the boring wife for good. And eventually the marriage will end up to no good. And that is analogous to my bad results.
During Term 2, I even went back to work frequently on mid-night shift and went to school right after work in the morning! I attend school just for the sake of going and felt very unhappy. Unhappy with my situation and find fault with myself for sabotaging myself. During this four to five months I was in a state of depression. I wasn't living fully at all.
2-month Vacation- August to October
During the vacation, I decided to leave this course. So I was looking around for a course to change to, and looked for my current course manager and told him my decision. This two month of holiday was the comeback of my regime. I hit back to the gym and ran around Bedok Reservoir. I was so fired up that I ran from my house all the way to Bedok Reservoir and ran around it. My longest run was from my house to Bedok Reservoir, which is around twice the distance of Bedok Reservoir, and ran two rounds of the reservoir! Making it four rounds in total! I was so happy that time. And after that run on that night, I was told that running was not good and advised not to run so often. My drive went all the way down and felt like giving up, but fortunately I didn't.
During that time, I started became a vegetarian and fruitarian. And seriously, I didn't eat any meat at all! From around August all the way till end of October! And during this period of time, my mood got better through the healthy habits. And not to forget, I shaved my head to remind myself not to be the same guy as the person who still had the hair! I reassure myself to change. And my hair wasn't waste shaving afterall.
I was working too during the holidays until I was retrenched by my company, when it closes down two out of three outlets in Singapore. And until now, I'm jobless. And I doesn't like the process of finding a job very much. I guess everyone doesn't like it too.
Semester Two, Term 1- October to December
I started it out reluctantly. And for the 2nd and 3rd week, I missed alot of lessons, tutorials and even lab. I was eager to leave the course, and even when to seek for jobs. Because I thought that since I'm going to leave anyway, why study and might as well earn some money first.
However, one day, on CCN Day, I began to think likewise. Then, I completed reading Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven, both writen by Mitch Albom, and felt that what I'm doing should be stopped. Moreover, my aunt who loved me alot was very upset that I was going to quit. Then suddenly a new friend inspired me, caused me to question my conscience and to rethink of my actions, and show me what hardworking, determination, preseverance and maturity is about.
Because of all these, I began to change little by little. I decided that I want to make my mark before I leave this course. I want to try my best and leave with satisfaction.
Honestly, 2007 wasn't a great year. Well, it could have been better. It could too, be worse, if there wasn't my friends and family, my mentor and life coach, my new friends found to accompany me through the year. Thank you.
Bye bye, 2007!
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Try pronoucing the song title!
Welcome to the world of Mary Poppins!
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